I want a new "STOMACH" please!

Ever since junior high I have struggled with bowel and intestinal issues. I had the ever so great “Kaiser Permanente” for health insurance and just got tossed around from one doctor to the next for them to say, nothing is wrong, just relax and calm down. Those of you who know me well, know that I cannot stand it when people tell me to “relax” just makes things worse. I have dealt with the answers they have given me over the years and just came to the conclusion that nothing was wrong with me. I thought I had IBS – Irritable Bowel Syndrome and went to the Doctor AGAIN in July of 2005 to rule out everything else so they could treat me for IBS. Kaiser did two bowel/intestinal tests and again, NOTHING showed up. The Doctors said that there is nothing that they can see wrong, so you have IBS. Here are some drugs and have a nice life! Lil ol me just took their answers and went on with my life with the hopes that the medication would help improve my systems so I could live a more normal life – outside of the bathroom. The next 3 years, nothing changed except my symptoms got worse. I was loosing a lot of weight couldn’t keep any food down (would have to run to the bathroom) which led to explosive diarrhea!!! Sorry for those of you who are grossed out by this topic…but this best describes what I go through on a daily basis. I just dealt with the pain and said screw it, this is my life and I have to deal with it!

I moved to VA in August of 2007 and from September to the end of October my symptoms just got increasingly worse. I became dehydrated and was in and out of urgent care all month. I went back to my Kaiser Dr. here in VA and finally was referred to a Gastrointestinal Doctor to then loosing my job which led to NO HEALTH INSURANCE! So I gave up. My loving fiancé kept encouraging me to go back once I got my new job in February of 2008 and I kept blowing it off. It wasn’t until June that I finally got sick of the pain, nausea, diareahha, and extreme bloating that I went to my GI doctor. Success it was!!!! He immediately ordered an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. I had the endoscopy first the end of May and not much was found except for a few polyups that were normal. I had my colonoscopy on June 26th and they finally found something. The lining of my stomach was inflamed and I had food in my stomach that had been in there since the night before (I had to fast for 12 hours so this food was digesting properly). I was told that my stomach empties too slow which is called Gastro paresis. I had a test a few days ago called “Gastric Emptying” that takes pictures of how long my stomach actually takes to empty the food I had been given to eat. From this test, my GI doctor will be able decide how to treat my problem. Gastro paresis causes, extreme bloating, a feeling of fullness after only eating a few bites, nausea, vomiting….these are all the systems I have and deal with on a day to day basis. Although, I have yet to be officially diagnosed, it is so nice to finally find something actually wrong so that I can be treated and hopefully PAIN FREE! There are some other possibilities of what I may have, one being Diverticulitis – which runs in my family. So, whatever it is, my Doctor is getting to the bottom of it and I will soon know what it is. I go back to my GI Dr next week to find out the results of my test. If it is indeed just Gastro paresis, there are antibiotics and other meds that help speed up the emptying of my stomach. If this doesn’t work, there are other measures to take that are a bit more serious like feeding tubes, surgery which I hope I will never get to. My life is spent worrying if what I eat is going to make me sick and have to run to the bathroom. I’m so tired of always having to make sure there is a bathroom close by. Whatever they find, they will treat and I will have some relief. Kaiser neglected to futher go anymore tests and I’m so glad that I chose to go with a better Health Insurance.

I’m ready to deal with whatever it is that I have. God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle. I will update more when I find out next week what the results of my test were. There may be more tests…so it may be a waiting game for awhile. All I know is I’m happy that my Dr is concerned and is doing everything he can to find the root of the problem.

"Being In LoVe!"

I just got back from lunch (some time to myself) and had some time to think about where this past year living in VA has taking me. So many people have come and gone from life over the past 10 years I never thought I would be planning a wedding at this point in my life. I just came to the conclusion that is wasn't what God wanted for my life at this time and would just enjoy being single. Well, after only living in VA for a week, I met the man of my dreams!:-) I thought I had been "In LOVE" before, but after meeting Anthony, I soon came to realize this was a feeling I had never experienced before. I can't even describe how being "In LOVE" feels! He makes me feel like more special than I ever thought possible and he "completes me!" I love him with all of my heart and I couldn't have been more blessed with such an amazing fiance - soon to be my "HUSBAND!" Never give up on love! Even when you think it will never happen to you, it will! I have a dear best friend who felt this same way I did that love would never come our way! We came to an agreement a couple of years ago that if we both weren't married by the time we were 30, that we were both going to join a "Convant" together!:-) No joke....well, it is and it isn't!:-) My dear best friend met the LOVE of her life this past December and I am proud to say that she is "In LOVE"! This subject has always weighed very heavy on my heart and I just wanted to let those of you who are struggling with this topic of love to not give up, but to trust in the Lord that he has a plan for LOVE for your life! It's not our terms, but on his terms! That's a whole other topic to speak about!So, I'm happy, more in LOVE than ever and can't wait to marry the man of my dreams!:-)

Engagement Photos!

Never thought that Engagement photo's could be so much fun! We were blessed to have an amazing photographer, my Mom (not really a photographer, but takes amazing photos)! We took our pictures at my Aunt Carrie's house in Winchestor, VA...they have an amazing place our pictures turned out amazing! Everyone that has seen them so far has asked if they were professionally done and thanks to my Mom, we have professional quality photos! I will post some later when I have more time!

****Thanks Mom!****

We're going to the Chapel.....

I'm getting "Married!" I never thought I would say these words! It's been awhile since I have posted a blog and thought this was definitely worthy of a blog! I have found the man of my dreams and I couldn't be happier! I met him only after living in Virginia for a week....I told myself I was going to enjoy being "single" and just enjoy my job with United and just go with the flow. Then, he appeared!:-) We have been together 10 wonderful months and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him!

I went from feeling like a little girl for so long to a grown woman overnight. We are in the fun stages of planning our Wedding and it gets more and more exciting every day. We have the church and the reception reserved and we can't wait to get this party started (quoating my finace). Life is great! Those of you who know me now I've been through a lot over the years and I can actually say I've come a long way (especially to find a man that can put up with my shannigans)! This wonderful man's name is Anthony aka Ampenee (this is what our nephew calls him).

We look forward to our big day, April 18, 2009!!!

....And we're gonna get married!

7 Deadly Sins....Is Pride a Sin?

Is Pride a Sin?

I was watching TV the other and this show came on where they were interviewing people and asking them if they thought Pride was a Sin. It was very interesting to see how many people said no. This racked my brain a bit and had to blog about it.

Actually, there is no Biblical list of seven deadly sins, for God has made it abundantly clear throughout scripture that all and any sins (transgressions of God's Law) are deadly and will result in our damnation.

Romans 6:23
"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

James 2:10
"For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

The 7 Deadly Sins are:
1. Pride
2. Avarice (Greed)
3. Envy
4. Wrath
5. Lust
6. Gluttony
7. Sloth

The characteristics that are considered to be the seven deadly sins can be described this way: Pride is the exaggerated opinion of one’s worth in comparison to God and others and a willful oblivion to one’s flaws. Envy is the unhealthy longing for the possessions, abilities, or status of another. Gluttony is excessive indulgence in the pleasures of food and drink. Lust is extreme desire for sexual and sensual gratification. Anger is manifested by fits of wrath and rage due to intolerance of others. Greed is an insatiable desire to acquire material goods. Sloth is an almost pathological laziness which hinders productivity and good health. Anyone possessing some of these vices was considered evil; anyone who possessed all of them was utterly doomed.

PRIDE: This is the unwillingness to look at one's faults honestly, or of esteeming ourselves greatly based on an excessive consciousness of abilities or worth. This is vanity, and is often euphemistically called, 'self respect.'

Seeing ourselves as we are and not comparing ourselves to others is humility. Pride and vanity are competitive. If someone else's pride really bothers you, you have a lot of pride.

What makes any sin deadly?
The Seven Deadly Sins as set forth in literature -- pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth -- are by no means an exhaustive list of sins. We have already established that all unrighteousness is sin, but the book of Proverbs also lists seven things that God hates: “There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers” (Proverbs 6:16-19) Yes, God has indicated that these are things that he despises and that every wrong is sin -- but He has also provided a remedy: “‘Come now, let us reason together,’ says the LORD. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool” (Isaiah 1:18). God has promised to make us pure and white and whole; this cleansing and purification was provided through, His Son, Jesus Christ. There was no contribution from man. “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly” (Romans 5:6). All we need to do is believe that Christ died for us and accept Him as Savior and Lord. If God has provided a remedy for sin, how can it be deadly? The deadliness of sin was erased through the death of Christ and the shedding of His blood. God loves us so much that He sent His Son to earth for the express purpose of accomplishing this. However, if we do not believe and accept what God has offered, than any sin we commit will be deadly. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son” (John 3:16-18).

After reading this blog on the topic of "Is Pride a Sin", I ask you this question:

Is "Pride" a Sin?

What I can accomplish with "NO" sleep!

It amazes me with the little sleep I get what I can get accomplished. I didn't go to sleep till 6am this morning and woke up at 11:15am, so that's 5 hours of sleep. You all who know me, know that I don't function normally with that little of sleep. But, for some weird reason I get shit done. I just feel like there is too much to do and it's wasting time if I sleep! Go figure huh? So, I went to the bank and was done before noon. Then got lunch, came home ate, then made some phone calls and checked my email and drove into the City of Fairfax to take my car in for an estimate. What a bitch that was in finding the damn AutoBody Shop! Not my speciality! Got my estimate, scheduled my car to be fixed Monday, November 26th and I'm so proud of myself. Then I went to the grocery store to buy what I needed to cook dinner and now I'm home. I arranged a phone interview for tomorrow @ 1pm and I just feel like I accomplished a lot with very little sleep. Go me! Wish I could do this everyday!!! Now im tired and it's naptime and I deserve it!:)

To Sleep or Not to Sleep!!!

Zzzz

Zzzz

Zzzz..........

These sweet puppies are a perfect example of what I would love to be doing on a regular basis! What is sleep anymore? I have problems sleeping at night and it's starting to royally piss me off because I feel like shit all the time...just completley worn down! Here's how my past couple of days have gone...goes like this:

Thursday night: Up till 7:30am...slept from 7:30-2pm on Friday

Friday night: went to bed at 4am and slept till 9am Saturday then fell back asleep at 10:30-3:30

Saturday night: went to bed at 12:30am...woke up at 2:30 awake till 4am...took meds and was out till 2pm Sunday

Sunday tossed and turned all morning till I woke up at 2pm....went to bed at 12am...layed there for 2 1/2 hours then said forget it and got up

So, sounds like fun huh? Well, this may sound crazy(everyone that knows me knows that I "LOVE" to sleep so you won't understand what I'm about to say)but I have major sleep anxiety meaning I have anxiety at night about going to sleep. I love to putz around at night in my apartment and do a million things at once...watch TV, play on my computer, text, talk on the phone, clean, you name it and I will do it. I hate having to lay there and not be able to do anything except turn my brain off and go to sleep. It's doesn't work for me that easy. I hate to dream because I fear the nightmares that I have on a consistent basis due to the trauma I experienced as a kid. So I try to avoid at all costs GOING TO SLEEP AT NIGHT! Once the morning time hits and I'm beyond exhausted, I can't wait to go to sleep. But once I am alseep, I don't want to wake up. I've been to the Doctor and he prescribed me an anti-depressant that helps people sleep who have sleep disorders and it does work I just sleep all day and night and I have a hard time waking up. I don't feel groggy just very lazy and low energy. So I avoid taking it and that's why I'm up all night!:( I'm sitting here on the couch writing this blog while watching "The Cell" on USA eating cheetos and a engery Vitamin Water which im addicted to! I love staying up and doing things and just hate the thought of having to be still till I fall asleep. My heart just races and races and I start breathing heavy, then I start to freak out because I fear that I won't be able to control the anxiety and won't be able to breath so I just GET UP and stay awake till I'm dead tired and pass out! I could have only have had 3 hours of sleep the night before and I still won't go to sleep cuz I hate it so much! Is this weird or what?

I want to be able to just pass out at night before I can even begin to think about anything....my thoughts keep me up at night! I'm at my wits end with the lack of sleep so I've decided it's time for a med-check with my psychiatrist to figure out what I can do to improve my sleep habits! I pray there is something that will help me. I just feel gross and I'm tired of it! I'm done!