To Sleep or Not to Sleep!!!

Zzzz

Zzzz

Zzzz..........

These sweet puppies are a perfect example of what I would love to be doing on a regular basis! What is sleep anymore? I have problems sleeping at night and it's starting to royally piss me off because I feel like shit all the time...just completley worn down! Here's how my past couple of days have gone...goes like this:

Thursday night: Up till 7:30am...slept from 7:30-2pm on Friday

Friday night: went to bed at 4am and slept till 9am Saturday then fell back asleep at 10:30-3:30

Saturday night: went to bed at 12:30am...woke up at 2:30 awake till 4am...took meds and was out till 2pm Sunday

Sunday tossed and turned all morning till I woke up at 2pm....went to bed at 12am...layed there for 2 1/2 hours then said forget it and got up

So, sounds like fun huh? Well, this may sound crazy(everyone that knows me knows that I "LOVE" to sleep so you won't understand what I'm about to say)but I have major sleep anxiety meaning I have anxiety at night about going to sleep. I love to putz around at night in my apartment and do a million things at once...watch TV, play on my computer, text, talk on the phone, clean, you name it and I will do it. I hate having to lay there and not be able to do anything except turn my brain off and go to sleep. It's doesn't work for me that easy. I hate to dream because I fear the nightmares that I have on a consistent basis due to the trauma I experienced as a kid. So I try to avoid at all costs GOING TO SLEEP AT NIGHT! Once the morning time hits and I'm beyond exhausted, I can't wait to go to sleep. But once I am alseep, I don't want to wake up. I've been to the Doctor and he prescribed me an anti-depressant that helps people sleep who have sleep disorders and it does work I just sleep all day and night and I have a hard time waking up. I don't feel groggy just very lazy and low energy. So I avoid taking it and that's why I'm up all night!:( I'm sitting here on the couch writing this blog while watching "The Cell" on USA eating cheetos and a engery Vitamin Water which im addicted to! I love staying up and doing things and just hate the thought of having to be still till I fall asleep. My heart just races and races and I start breathing heavy, then I start to freak out because I fear that I won't be able to control the anxiety and won't be able to breath so I just GET UP and stay awake till I'm dead tired and pass out! I could have only have had 3 hours of sleep the night before and I still won't go to sleep cuz I hate it so much! Is this weird or what?

I want to be able to just pass out at night before I can even begin to think about anything....my thoughts keep me up at night! I'm at my wits end with the lack of sleep so I've decided it's time for a med-check with my psychiatrist to figure out what I can do to improve my sleep habits! I pray there is something that will help me. I just feel gross and I'm tired of it! I'm done!